TrackMarks!

And here they are, the Dave's Train Trip Awards, better known as the TrackMarks! (Heh. Should have named the blog that.)

Dumbest Kid Quote (doubles as cutest, I suppose, but hey, I'm nothing if not callous and mean): as we pulled into Sacramento: "Is this the trainoport?"

Worst Instance of Verbal Child Abuse: Woman who eventually got off train in Salt Lake City: "What are you doing? Oh my god, you're such a brat. You have no reason to cry. You're retarded."

Best Interaction With a non-Train Employee: guy at a Subway in Del Rio as I was paying for a sandwich: "Would you watch something like that? A football league where robots just kill each other? So you wouldn't have to worry about injuries and everything?" I answered, "Of course." He seemed satisfied.

Funniest Random Quote Heard on the Train: A woman walking down the train asking only people of a certain race if they wanted to play no-bid whist and getting turned down repeatedly: "What is with all these damn black people who don't play whist?"

Least Predictable Guy I Heard/Spoke With on the Trains: old guy on Coast Starlight who couldn't stop telling awful jokes to the other old people around him, and framed them all around two fictional "Cajun" characters named Boudreau and Thibodeaux. Seriously.

Worst Piece of Advice Received: "Try the breakfast sandwich."

Low Point: Wandering around Commerce, Calif., at 6:30 in the morning after an all-nighter of poker playing (poker losing, actually) and being forced to smell the smells of both my unshowered self and the smog-ridden east-of-LA shithole.

High Point: (Tie) Oscar's Museum of Awesomeness, and Erotic Massage in San Francisco.

Prettiest Train Ride: California Zephyr, the part from Denver all the way through to San Francisco. Hot shit.

Ugliest Train Ride: I'll go with the Capitol Limited, from DC to Chicago. There are probably some nice bits going through the Appalachians, but it was dark for those so all I got to see was fucking Gary, Indiana.

(and on a similar note) Things I Wish it Had Been Daytime Out When We Passed By: sunset over the pacific, Appalachia, the Salton Sea in California, bridge over the Pecos River in Texas (highest in the US, I think)

I'll wrap up this soon-to-be-award-winning piece of classic literature tomorrow night maybe, but all I've got left is a short trip back from Williamsburg to Philly.